<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Flashes of Our Endless Summer Love by aweirdkindofyellow</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23497390">Flashes of Our Endless Summer Love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aweirdkindofyellow/pseuds/aweirdkindofyellow'>aweirdkindofyellow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All Time Low (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood, Character Death, F/M, Falling In Love, Mental Health Issues, Summer, Summer Vacation, Teen Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:34:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23497390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aweirdkindofyellow/pseuds/aweirdkindofyellow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I didn’t expect the summer before senior year to feel endless. But then I met you. We weren’t star crossed lovers. It wasn’t a chance encounter. Don’t worry, Alex, I don’t have those strange fantasies. Still, a summer romance is inevitable. These are the polaroids of our time.</p><p>Trigger warnings: blood, implies death and mental health issues. (triggers mainly apply to the last chapter, proceed with caution)</p><p>Inspired by the album Endless Summer by The Midnight (links to songs will be provided at the beginning of each chapter). </p><p>All chapters have been prewritten and will be posted every other day.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Gaskarth/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1: Endless Summer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/scream_tears/gifts">scream_tears</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF656KUqeEo">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xF656KUqeEo</span>
  </a>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As I enter the school building, I push up my glasses and my eyes happen to fall on you. It’s the first day of senior year at high school. You look in my general direction, but you don’t seem to even care about my presence. I thought that what we had was special; I thought I was special to you. At least in some way. It reminds me a lot of the day we first spoke, Alex. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>I was walking down my road at a slow pace with a dog underneath my arm, holding it up. Rain was pouring down, soaking through my clothes all the way down to my skin. My hair was dripping, sending more droplets of water running down my face and spine. It was cold, but not too bad. Summer rain was always strangely warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only sound around me was the merge between the dog’s satisfied heavy breathing and the pitter-patter of rain dropping into puddles. My footsteps were completely drowned out but occasionally filled the air with a splash. My trek wasn’t all that far, I started just a few blocks away, but I enjoyed taking in all the rhythmic sounds. Unfortunately, there weren’t many cars around. I loved the way their headlights created a glow in the dark sky. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It only took a minute for us to reach our destination. I walked up the driveway of the two story house that was on the left side of the end of the road. It had a nice green front yard, I could only imagine what the backyard was like. It must have been paradise on days that weren’t as rainy as this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I softly pet the dog’s wet head and reached out for the doorbell. We were still being showered down on by the heavy rain, but I could only smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s when you opened, Alex. You were squinting at me, looking at me like I was some complete stranger. An insane stranger at that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I found your dog walking around a few blocks from here. I figured he escaped,” I told you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You carefully took the soaking dog from me and looked me down again. “I’m sorry, do I know you? How do you know this is my dog?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m Mia… we go to school together. We sit next to each other in English,” I clarified. I saw you at least every other day. But you just stared back at me. “I literally live across from you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh!” Your eyes lit up. “You must be new here!” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nope,” I shook my head, “I’ve lived in that house my whole life.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve never seen you around.” You frowned and scratched your head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I shrugged back. There were no other ways for me to explain who I was. I was Mia, the girl from next door, who sat next to you in English. You had never noticed me, that wasn’t my fault. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your mom then came to check who you were talking to. She saw your dog and took him from you with much glee. “Oh, thank you so much, Mia! He ran out earlier this afternoon and I couldn’t find him.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Luckily I walked past him.” I shrugged again and gave her a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, really. Also,” she then added, stepping forward and forcing you out of the doorway a little, “you don’t have to worry about taking care of the dogs this summer. Alex will be home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait, you’re the one who’s been taking care of our dogs during summer vacation?” You gasped in surprise, still no hint of recognition in your face. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Obviously, you had never cared. I had lived in that house across from you for ten years before you first moved it, yet you never noticed. I was stupid to think that you would change. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2: Sunset</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URma_gu1aNE">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URma_gu1aNE</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>When I go downstairs to go from one class to the next, I see you standing on the floor below. You’re talking to your friends. Still, you don’t seem to notice me. I walk past like I’m a ghost you’ve never been able to see. Seeing you from up there, it reminds me of the day you suddenly started talking to me. I hate your smug face for ever thinking it was okay to approach me.</em>
</p><p>“Hey, Maggy! What are you doing up there?” Your voice shouted from the road.</p><p>I pushed myself up from my lying position on the roof and looked down at you before laying back down. “Mia.”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“It’s Mia!” I repeated.</p><p>“Didn’t I say that?” You called out accusingly, yet also in defence.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Oh.” There were a few seconds of silence before you piped up again. “Well, should you even be up there?”</p><p>I rolled my eyes and sat up, making eye contact with you. “No, but I’m up here and nobody can stop me.”</p><p>“That’s reasonable.” You nodded, putting your hands in your front pockets.</p><p>“That’s what I thought. I like watching the stars.” I looked up and reached out to the night sky with my arms.</p><p>“I can appreciate space.”</p><p>I looked around myself and how big the roof was. There was space. “Wanna come up here and join?”</p><p>“How?”</p><p>“Jump!”</p><p>“Jump?” You snorted.</p><p>“Jump.” I confirmed.</p><p>“I can’t jump that high.”</p><p>I sighed loudly and started shuffling down. “Guess I’ll just have to let you in then.”</p><p>I crawled back down to my window and went inside. To a bit of my surprise, you were waiting at my front door. You did like space after all. I took you up to my bedroom and crawled out onto the roof. I had done this a million times. You tried to replicate my movements, but did them very clumsily. Over the course of summer, you got quite the hang of it.</p><p>We both laid down on the sloping roof, looking up at the starry night sky. I tried to imagine the way Vincent van Gogh viewed it. I knew he was looking out from a window at some asylum in France. It couldn’t be that difficult, right?</p><p>“What are you thinking?” I asked after a few minutes.</p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“What are you thinking?”</p><p>“About what?” You turned your head to look at me in confusion.</p><p>“In general.” I shrugged and picked at my nails, still looking up at the sky.</p><p>“How annoying it is that my friends have always been at home during the holidays and I haven’t. Now I’m here by myself, and they’re all gone.”</p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“What about you? What are you thinking about?” You turned it on me.</p><p>“It seems so reachable, so close, but it’s all so far away.”</p><p>You chuckled. “Those stars really do create some large optical illusion, don’t they?”</p><p>I shook my head softly, taking my time to look at individual stars. “I just feel like I've been stuck here my whole life. There must be something else out there, waiting, you know?”</p><p>“Are you talking about aliens?”</p><p>“No. I’d just like to get out there and do something. There’s nothing here. The universe goes on for ages and I’m stuck here in this town, in this state, in this country, on this planet.”</p><p>“I want to travel the whole world,” you confessed to me. “I want the band to take off and see places I can only dream of.”</p><p>“We could run away. Just leave… never look back. I don’t even care where we go, just far away from here. And what would happen? Would anything change? For the better, for the worse?”</p><p>“Honestly, I think a police case would happen.”</p><p>“Hmm…” I breathed out deeply and put my hands down on my stomach.</p><p>We just laid there for a bit, both continuing our thoughts personally in silence until you broke it. “Why are you telling me all this?”</p><p>“Why wouldn’t I take the opportunity to rant?” For the first time since we got up on the roof, I looked at you and saw you already looking back at me. “How would you like to see a planet?”</p><p>“See a planet?” You raised an eyebrow at me.</p><p>“Yeah, come on.”</p><p>I took you back into my bedroom. We never expected you to come in there more frequently, but you did. I set up my telescope for you. It faced right outside my window, pointed up high into the sky. It didn’t take long for me to find you something to look at. It was the planet Jupiter. You were so amazed that you could actually see a different planet for yourself that wasn’t just a photograph.</p><p>I couldn’t stop grinning. “Can you see its moons?”</p><p>
  <em>I shouldn’t have let you in that night. It was a big mistake. I didn’t think through the consequences. But you don’t care, right, Alex? You never cared. You were too busy with yourself. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3: Daytona</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RXoqMus5ZU">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RXoqMus5ZU</a>
</p><p></p><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>When one of your friends accidentally bumps into my backpack as you’re casually walking past me, I’m brought back to the time I least expected you to be around. You ignored me now, you didn’t back then. But you knew, right? You thought it would be funny to mess with the invisible kid. </em>
  </p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>I had my backpack on my back, my hands holding onto the straps for extra support. My treck was going to be a long one and I had only just started. You drove past me as I was walking down the street, only three houses from ours. I continued walking, not looking at you parking your car in your driveway, which became a sort of routine later. You, however, had other plans. I heard you close your car door, and then your quick footsteps started approaching me.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Hey!” You shouted at me to get my attention and closed the distance. I never did enjoy walking hastily. “Where are you going?</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Daytona,” I answered as I continued walking. I was on a mission, I wasn’t going to stop.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What’s Daytona?” You inquired, trying to keep up with me by side stepping.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Where.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Where what?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Where’s Daytona.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Where?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Daytona beach,” I told you, looking straight ahead.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Never heard of that.” You shook your head.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Florida.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You’re going to Florida? How? Walking?” You asked in straight up disbelief. Still, the fact that you asked must have meant you didn’t cross it out as an option.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Bus,” I corrected. “Washington, Richmond, Miami, Daytona Beach.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You started walking normally and in pace with me. “With just your backpack?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Yep.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why not?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>You looked at me. There was nothing to say to that, because why wouldn’t I go? So, after a second to yourself, you suggested, “mind if I join?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Sure.” I shrugged.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>As soon as you joined my quest, we were in complete silence again. You followed me. Why, I did not know. I had no idea where I was exactly going and how I was going to get there. For some reason you trusted me. That trust was either thinking I could get us there safely or believing I would never go through with it. To this day, I don’t know what you were thinking.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Are you actually going all the way to Florida by bus?” You checked with me, some skepticism behind your voice.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Dunno.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why Daytona?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>There was a simple explanation. “I wanted an adventure.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But why all the way to some random place in Florida?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I opened the map to the wrong place,” I explained.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“What?”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“I wanted to choose a blind location in Maryland.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“But you opened the map to Florida,” you added, finishing the reasoning.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Exactly!” I nodded.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Why not just redo it when you realised you were on the wrong map?” You laughed as if I had just made a funny joke.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“Dunno.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You don’t know a lot,” you remarked.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>I shrugged. There was so much knowledge out there, I really didn’t know a lot. Nobody does. Everybody just holds this tiny fraction of the possible.</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>“You know what?” You stopped us. “I’ll take you someplace for an adventure. And it’s only just a short walk away.”</p>
</div><div class="">
  <p>
    <em>I shouldn’t have gone with you. I should have just gone to Daytona Beach as I was planning. This was all on me. I shouldn’t have trusted you, I shouldn’t have blindly followed you. You never had good intentions.</em>
  </p>
</div><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4: Jason</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIz-9CHVQUc">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIz-9CHVQUc</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>When I see you leaning against the lockers talking to the blonde, I roll my eyes. You were always a player, weren’t you, Alex? You enjoyed toying around with hearts. It was all you could do. And I knew, yet you still tricked me. You used to talk to me.<br/></em>
</p><p>You took me to a park. Your grand idea of going on an adventure was going to a park. It was the late evening, the sun was starting to set. And out of all the places you could have taken me you took me to a stupid park. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to go on an adventure.</p><p>So, I turned it into an adventure. A bit further into the park, there was a large lake. It was beautifully decorated with a plain grass field, only one tree really in its vicinity. The park was kept up perfectly for the upper middle class neighborhood it was in. There was not a single shed leaf on the ground, and I knew for certain that the lake couldn’t be full of grime.</p><p>I stepped ahead of you, right towards the lake. You didn’t say anything and just followed me, a few steps behind. First, I threw down my backpack on the floor. Then I pulled off my t-shirt and jean shorts. My main focus was on that water that was slowly turning a dark green with the sun disappearing. Just before I reached the waterline, I unsnapped my bra and kicked off my panties, chucked them both on the floor, and ran into the water.</p><p>As soon as I got deep enough, I dived in. I couldn’t see much, but the lake was deeper than I expected. As deep as a pool. It was perfect.</p><p>When I reached up to the surface, I immediately turned to you to find you already gaping at me.</p><p>“God, you’re such a Jason!” I giggled and kicked to keep myself afloat.</p><p>“A Jason?” You came closer and pulled off all your clothes slowly, placing them next to mine.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Who’s Jason?” You finished walking the distance before shrugging off your boxers.</p><p>“What.”</p><p>“Who’s Jason?”</p><p>You walked into the cold water, not bothered to even cover yourself. I was focused on what was important, however. “No, what’s a Jason.”</p><p>“What’s a Jason?” You repeated in a questioning tone.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“No,” you swam up to me sneakily and smirked, “what is a Jason?” You had me figured out.</p><p>“A guy who thrives at night under the bright colourful lights and booming music,” I clarified my theory and teasingly swam back so you couldn’t easily reach me. “A Jason has fucked all the homecoming queens at his school and surrounding schools. He just keeps chasing.”</p><p>“I’m a Jason?” You gasped and pointed at yourself.</p><p>“Yes.” I crossed my arms. “Do you disagree?”</p><p>“I haven’t slept with all the homecoming queens in town.”</p><p>“You’re a Jason.”</p><p>I took a deep breath and went under again. I knew I was right. You went down with me and stared as if still trying to prove that you were no Jason. When you noticed that I wasn’t giving in and that you were losing the argument, you started chasing after me. I swam away as fast as I could, avoiding all the attempts you made at grabbing my feet.</p><p>It went on for just a little too long. I had to rush back up to the surface to catch my breath. As soon as I was clear from the water, I gasped for air, my chest heaving. You slid back up in front of me so that we were face to face.</p><p>You only looked at me for a second before pressing your lips against mine in what was our first kiss.</p><p>
  <em>I knew you were a Jason, yet I let you kiss me. You were my Jason. I shouldn’t have stripped down and let you see me, that was my fault. You kissed me, but you never truly cared. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5: Synthetic</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqvS5x86OiQ">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqvS5x86OiQ</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>In English, I look in your direction. I still sit next to you, but you don’t seem to notice. I’m just the girl that comes after you in the register. You don’t have to care so little. You could at least acknowledge me. I acknowledge you. The rain patters against the window behind you, much like that one day. Do you remember, Alex?</em>
</p><p>It was raining. Not the same rain as the first time you actually noticed I was alive. The air was light and the sky was somehow still bright. I was standing in my front yard, looking up and letting the rain drown me. There was no better thing to enjoy than a summery shower.</p><p>You must have seen me standing there because you came out of your house. For some reason you weren’t wearing a raincoat or holding an umbrella either. You did, however, put up the hood from your hoodie like it was going to protect you. It would have, if it was for a quick run from the house to the car. But I liked just standing there and taking it in, there was nothing quick about it.</p><p>“What are you doing out here?” You smiled as you shuffled over in your slippers.</p><p>“Feeling the rain against my skin.” I twirled around and looked up at the clouds, closing my eyes and letting the water drop on my face.</p><p>“Don’t you want to go inside?”</p><p>I ran my fingers through my hair, squeezing out a bit of the water. “I like the feeling.”</p><p>“That’s fine too.” You waltzed over to be close to me. “Mind if I join?”</p><p>“I believe you already have. Haven’t you?”</p><p>You smiled at me and decided to stand next to me, also facing your house. I let the rain consume me. The droplets merged together, turning into little rivers leaving behind trails as they dripped off my skin. It was a new level of hightened scenses.</p><p>“What do you usually do in the rain?” You asked.</p><p>“Appreciate it.” I reopened my eyes and looked at you. You were just standing there uncomfortably as the water slowly soaked through the fabric of your hoodie.</p><p>“You might have to teach me how to,” you mumbled as you turned around to face me.</p><p>“Take off your hoodie,” I whispered and reached out to grab the hem. I helped you pull it over your head and held onto it for you. That way you didn’t have to worry about it.</p><p>“Now what?” You stood there, your arms stiff at your side.</p><p>“Close your eyes. Feel the rain.”</p><p>“Feel the rain…” You breathed out and closed your eyes after I could see you say ‘fuck it’ in your mind. “It’s wet?”</p><p>“No, <em>feel</em> it.” I took a step closer and softy touched your arm, pattering my fingers against your skin. “Feel the drops plop.” I then trailed my fingers. “Feel the water trickling.”</p><p>I watched you discover it. Your eyes flickered a lot behind your closed eyelids at first. Slowly, you let yourself relax, you let yourself feel. Right in front of my eyes, you were changing. Or it looked that way from my perspective. I didn’t actually know what was going on inside your mind.</p><p>“You might actually be getting at something here.” You grinned and opened up your eyes, looking down at me. “So do just always just stand here and feel?”</p><p>I raised my shoulders and dropped them back down. “Sometimes I like to take walks, sometimes I dance.”</p><p>“Dance, you say?” You smirked and wrapped your arms around my waist. “Ever slow danced in the rain before?”</p><p>I looked up into your eyes and shook my head. We were both completely soaked by now. I wrapped your moderately dry hoodie around my hips and circled my arms around your neck. We swayed back and forth, the rhythm of the rain as our soundtrack.</p><p>Slowly you leaned forward and softly kissed me. It wasn’t our first, it wasn’t our second, but it was one I was always going to remember. The way our skin moulded together due to the thin layer of water.</p><p>
  <em>You always did like kissing me at the most perfect of moments. You enjoyed watching my heart flutter. It vibrated long enough, the frequency rising every day we spent together… just for you to flip the off switch. My feelings were too strong and you led me on. </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6: The Equaliser (Not Alone)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQxBFOMEp8M">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQxBFOMEp8M</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>When I come out of the bathroom, I see you right outside the door walking past. You don’t even flinch. Once again, I don’t exist in your world. But there was a time that I did. Didn’t I, Alex? You would come to my front door unannounced just because. Or so you claimed. I know better now. Much better. </em>
</p><p>Just as I was leaving my house, I saw you crossing the road to come see me. It was a nice sunny day. Your hair looked a much warmer honey brown with the light beaming down on you. Although it was already hot outside, it was seeing you what made me feel warm inside. I really liked you, Alex. You made me smile no matter what the day.</p><p>“What are you doing?” You asked me with a small amused smirk on your face.</p><p>“Dunno.” I squinted at you, wanting to see you but the sun was blinding. “On a walk or something.”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Not going to Daytona?” You joked and nudged me carefully.</p><p>“No, I’ve got stuff to do here now.” I softly bit my bottom lip and decided to go for it and press a quick kiss on your lips. Every single time I did that, I still got a rush. It didn’t matter that I saw you nearly every day for five weeks.</p><p>“What if I told you I’ve got more stuff for us to do?” You breathed against my lips and pulled something out of your back pocket.</p><p>I pulled away and looked at what you were holding up. It took me a second to read what was on the two long pieces of paper, but when it did, my eyes went wide. I stared back at you, my heart beating fast in excitement. I don’t think I showed that excitement all too well. Maybe it’s a good thing, maybe things would have been different if I showed more appreciation. You seemed just as delighted, though.</p><p>You took me to a planetarium. It was the perfect date. You knew how much I loved space and the stars. It was a not-so-secret obsession you also had late at night.</p><p>We sat on the chairs and looked at everything they showed us up above our heads. It was surprisingly empty. It felt like we were the only ones in the universe. Maybe you only chose it because you knew nobody would be there to see us. That wasn’t what was on my mind then. I was fascinated by all the planets and stars. We weren’t actually seeing them, like with my telescope, but it was all so enchanting.</p><p>“Don’t you think it’s weird?” I whispered to you, still looking up at the videos and images.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Everything.”</p><p>“Everything?”</p><p>“Yeah. How does anything exist? Why does it exist? Where did it come from?”</p><p>“Oh…” You took a second to go over my questions. “I don’t wanna think about that. That’s frightening.”</p><p>“Right?” I leaned over so I could rest my head against your shoulder. “Here we are, living on a strange planet. And there’s billions more of them out there. It’s never ending.”</p><p>“I definitely don’t think we’re alone. There has to be something out there,” you told me, resting your head on top of mine. “And I’m not talking about highly intelligent aliens – although, I wouldn’t rule that out. There have to be living cells or organisms somewhere.”</p><p>“Hmm…” I shrugged. “I wouldn’t say being alone isn’t an option. It’s an all too familiar feeling.”</p><p>“You’re not alone,” you spoke softly into my hair and wrapped your hand around mine. “You’ve got me.”</p><p>“Yeah…” I sighed deeply.</p><p>“I love you, Mia.”</p><p>I took my eyes off the screen and directed them at you. You were already looking at me, showing me that you had consciously said it. You had said it on purpose.</p><p>“I love you,” I returned.</p><p>
  <em>You told me something I never thought I would hear just mere weeks after we first spoke to each other. It was the first time somebody has ever said those words to me; it was the first time I had ever had these feelings for anybody. The problem was that it was all a lie. You didn’t care and I cared too much. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7: The Comeback Kid</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzywQ1cO-4Y">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AzywQ1cO-4Y</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>At lunch I have no idea where to go. I stand in the cafeteria looking around at all the tables to find where I can sit. My eyes land on you, Alex. You’re sitting with all of your friends discussing what you all did during summer. But I’m sure I’m not being mentioned. You don’t talk all too much. We spent our entire summer together, but you don’t want anybody to know that. You never did. I can still remember when you wouldn’t shut up when we had lunch together. </em>
</p><p>Your parents were back home. They didn’t know about us. How could they have? You didn’t really like spending too much time on the phone with them. They’d call you everyday while they were gone and it got you annoyed. My parents didn’t know either. They hadn’t been home in a long long time.</p><p>You took me out for a late lunch picnic. We went up to this pretty secluded area right next to the forest in the fields. Nobody ever went out there. It was just us, the birds, the bugs, the sun, and the flowers. You had made us some sandwiches and snacks and brought along a bottle of homemade lemonade your mom loved making in the warm summer months.</p><p>I loved you so much, Alex. You took your time to tell me about everything that happened the day before. You mentioned your parents returning, having to do a quick cleaning of the house, and your panic when you noticed you had forgotten to take out the trash. It was a real dramatic ordeal. I couldn’t stop smiling that day.</p><p>“What?” You chuckled when you noticed me beaming back at you.</p><p>“What what?”</p><p>“You’re grinning at me.”</p><p>“I just enjoy listening to your stories,” I confessed.</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Well, what did you do yesterday?”</p><p>I went to lie down and put my head in your lap. “I was in my room looking out of my window.”</p><p>“What did you see?” You brushed your fingers through my hair comfortingly.</p><p>I picked a flower from the floor and played with its petals. “I saw the old lady walking her dog. I saw a plane fly by in the far far distance. I saw the trees sway in the light breeze.” I snapped my eyes up towards you. “I saw you running out to take out the trash.”</p><p>You snorted and leaned down to connect your lips with mine. It was a perfect day. You didn’t just hear me, you listened to me. You took your time to make me feel whole, to make me feel alive. Everything was just as I could never have imagined it.</p><p>We packed up all of our belongings and went back to your car when the sun was just about to start setting. You held my hand tenderly as we walked back through the tall tickling grass. After putting the picnic supplies in the trunk, you kissed me and pressed me up against your car. I couldn’t keep my hands off you and we got into the back.</p><p>I was a virgin, but you made me feel so safe, like I knew what I was doing. You were so gentle.</p><p>
  <em>I was stupid. I fell for your sick little games. You knew how to sway me, you knew exactly what I liked. I let you into my life, but you didn’t care. Did you, Alex?</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8: Vampires</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBs-lPvk3Zk">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBs-lPvk3Zk</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>When I walk around the corner to get to my next class, I’m confronted with you again. You’re not with your closest friends, but they’re your friends nonetheless. But you’re friends with everybody, aren’t you, Alex? Everybody knows you, there’s not a party you don’t get invited to. I don’t get invited to any. You’re talking about one coming up on Friday and I remember the one party you had roped me into. </em>
</p><p>I had never gone to a party before. I didn’t know what to look like, what to wear. All I could do was throw something on and hope it was good enough. I was actually excited. I didn’t really care about the party, I cared that you were taking me.</p><p>I walked over to your front door and knocked. Your mom opened within a few seconds, telling me you were still upstairs getting ready. She seemed so happy and was always so nice to me. I had known her longer than you.</p><p>“I’m glad you and Alex are friends,” she confessed to me while you were still gone. “You’re doing him good this summer.”</p><p>“I’m enjoying his company too.” I smiled back. She still didn’t know just how much we were more than friends, but I was willing to keep it a secret for a little longer.</p><p>It didn’t take much longer for you to come bolting down the stairs. You kissed your mom on the cheek and said a quick goodbye before dragging me away with you. We had decided to walk to the party. It wasn’t too far away. Only a twenty minute walk. I enjoyed walking and we both agreed driving back at the end wasn’t smart. Although I had never seen you drink to get drunk, you expressed you sometimes had issues figuring out when to stop.</p><p>We entered the party together. There was loud music blasting and people everywhere. It almost looked like our entire school was here, but that was impossible. I felt a little lost, however I had you by my side.</p><p>As soon as we walked through the door, you dropped my hand, which you had been holding the whole way over. You didn’t even look back at me as you started pushing through the masses to get to your friends. You didn’t even check to see if I was following. I lost you in the crowd.</p><p>When I managed to break through the barrier of people, you were already laughing and chatting with your friends. There was a drink in your hand which you were sipping on. I stared at you, hoping for you to be glad I made it through. But you didn’t even glance in my direction.</p><p>I figured you were so busy catching up, that I let it be. I knew how you told your stories, you got lost in your own little world. So, I let you be and went to get myself a drink. And another one. And another one. Time passed and I was drinking all by myself.</p><p>My vision was blurry, I had difficulty staying upright, and the loud pop music was driving me insane. I wanted to go home and fall asleep in your arms. I was so tired.</p><p>I walked up to you and stated, “I’m leaving.”</p><p>You finally snapped out of your bubble with your group of friends and looked at me in surprise. “Now?”</p><p>I nodded and you excused yourself from the group. You made me follow you back to the drinks table and you started acting like you were thinking about what to make your next drink out of.</p><p>“I’m tired, I’m going home,” I told you again, not bothering to play along.</p><p>“Are you going to be fine? I’ll come with you.”</p><p>I stared at you, but you didn’t look back. “I’ll be fine. I always am.”</p><p>I left after that. You didn’t offer to come home with me or walk me back again. You let me walk off like I said I wanted. It was a warm night, so luckily I wasn’t cold. There was nobody else on the streets. It was just me, retracing our steps to get home.</p><p>As soon as I got home, I got into my bed. It didn’t take you long to get in with me. I was almost asleep 15 minutes later when I felt your weight on the mattress next to me and your arm wrap over my body. You smelled familiar with a hint of strong alcohol.</p><p>
  <em>That should have been a large red flag, Alex. But I didn’t see it. I was colourblind. It was so obvious you didn’t care, but you made sure I wouldn’t find out. You had me wrapped around your stupid little finger. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9: Crockett’s Revenge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73BBdDnUz4Q">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73BBdDnUz4Q</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m trying not to listen to what you’re saying about that party, Alex. You made many promises, but had to break every single one of them. You’ve always loved a party, haven’t you? The first time you seem to notice me is when a large jock rams into me. He tells me to watch it. But he’s the one that walked into me. I’m pushed into the lockers opposite from you. You look up, but don’t say anything. You don’t care. I gave you the silent treatment as well once, do you remember?</em>
</p><p>I didn’t talk to you the morning after the party. You had upset me, and during the night I was only left with my own thoughts. It wasn’t good Alex, leaving me to think about things while you slept soundly. I woke up before you, you left me with the thoughts swirling around inside my mind for even longer.</p><p>I got up and took a long warm shower to wash off the crusty feeling of being drunk. You didn’t wake up until I was downstairs eating breakfast. Eventually, you came down the stairs in just your boxers and your hair in a big mess.</p><p>“Morning,” you smiled at me and came over to join me. “Have fun last night?”</p><p>I stared back at you and scooped a big spoonful of cereal into my mouth. Rather than answering you, I chewed slowly. You waited for a bit to see if I was just delaying it, but when nothing came, you grabbed your own bowl and joined me. I still refused to talk to you and also started to avoid looking at you. My cereal was suddenly very interesting to inspect instead.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” You finally asked after I had already finished eating and was left to swirl around my spoon in the milk.</p><p>I looked up, annoyed that you didn’t even realise.</p><p>“What’s wrong?” You repeated.</p><p>“You.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“You.” I gave a single nod.</p><p>“What about me?”</p><p>“Me.”</p><p>“You?”</p><p>“Me.”</p><p>“I thought this was about me?”</p><p>“It is.” I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair. “You don’t want anybody to know about me.”</p><p>You choked on the cereal you were eating and dropped the spoon. “That’s not true! Why would you think that?”</p><p>“You abandoned me to save your reputation.”</p><p>“Where are you getting that from?”</p><p>I shrugged. “I’m nobody, you’re you.”</p><p>“I’m me, but you’re not nobody. You’re my Mia.” You comforted me. “I thought you didn’t want to join me.”</p><p>“You didn’t see me.”</p><p>“I saw you.” You reached out to hold my hand on the table. “I promise I will tell everybody about us. I thought you didn’t want them to see us. I’ll scream it from the rooftop and tell everybody I see, whether they want to or not. There won’t be a single person who won’t know in town.”</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>“Promise.”</p><p>You moved our hands so our pinkies were intertwined.</p><p>
  <em>But all those promises were left unfulfilled. You’re such a liar, Alex. You were never planning on letting our secret out into the world. It’s my fault for believing you, but shame on you for letting me believe. Shame on you for acting like you cared, Alex.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNX_l8QdWhs">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNX_l8QdWhs</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>You decide to enjoy your free period outside, but I still have class, Alex. I can see you through the window. You’re leaning against the tree, looking up at the clouds. You never appreciated windows before you met me, Alex, and now you seem to have lost your appreciation again. You don’t care what happens on the other side. There was a time you couldn’t take you eyes off my window. I can still remember it clearly, can you, Alex?</em>
</p><p>It was the evening. I hadn’t seen you that entire day. It might have been the holidays and we might have both been free, but we had our own days as well. I was in my bedroom with the curtains open and the lights on. There was something I had been hoping to see in the night sky that evening, but it was overcast.</p><p>Instead, I decided it was going to be a pajamas in bed evening. I pulled off all my clothes and walked over to my bed to grab my pajamas from underneath my pillows. But then I saw you. I happened to glance out of my window and saw you standing in your own bedroom, staring right at me.</p><p>You were gaping, much like the night I called you a Jason. I loved the effect I had on you. You didn’t even snap out of it and act like you weren’t sneaking a peak. I thought I would humour you and have some fun myself.</p><p>I turned in the opposite direction and sauntered up to my stereo. All I did was press the play button and the sound of the soft music we were listening to a few days before started sounding through the speakers again. Back then, we were up on the roof, looking at the stars. This time, I gently moved along with the melody.</p><p>I made sure to stand where you could see me. You continued to watch, making me show off all the angles of my body.</p><p>And then you disappeared.</p><p>I was confused. Did your parents call you to another room? Did you decide you had enough? Was something more important? But then I heard the doorbell ring. I ran downstairs to meet you and let you in. You immediately kissed me and I slammed the door shut before anybody else could see me naked.</p><p>I took you back upstairs to my bedroom where the music was still playing. You were holding me close and tightly, your breath forming goosebumps on my skin. I was longing for you and you were craving me.</p><p>“Look at the stars,” you breathed out as you looked up at my ceiling.</p><p>I looked up as well, trying to guide us to my bed. “For nights like this. When there’s not a single star in the sky.”</p><p>“I should get some as well.”</p><p>“You should.” I caressed your cheek and guided you back down to kiss me.</p><p>You made me jump up and wrap my legs around your waist. Being with you was one of the most euphoric feelings. Like there was nothing that could go wrong. I was safe with you. You laid me down on the bed carefully and climbed on top.</p><p>
  <em>That was the night your parents found out about us. You weren’t the only one who could look through my window and see what was happening. They didn’t stop us, they let us be. But now I long for them to have done so. Anybody could have looked inside my window, Alex. Everybody could have. Yet, you didn’t care.</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11: Lonely City</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH8ncXAx-to">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IH8ncXAx-to</span>
  </a>
</p><p>
  <em>You’re talking to the same blonde from before, Alex. Only, this time you’re leaving class. We all are. The school day has ended. Everybody is glad to go home. Except for me. I live across from you. I watch as you go to your car, the car with the backseat where I found myself many times over the summer. The blonde is still with you. You kiss her goodbye. My heart breaks all over again. I hate you, Alex. You never cared about me. </em>
</p><p>I hadn’t heard from you for a while, Alex. You hadn’t randomly come over unannounced, you hadn’t run outside to meet me as I left the house, you hadn’t called, you hadn’t texted. It was strange. Worrying. I figured you were busy getting ready for school to start again. You needed to graduate. You wanted to play in your band.</p><p>I stared out through my window late that night. I was thinking, wondering. There was not a cloud in the sky. Usually we’d get up on the roof or look through my telescope. But you weren’t home. Your room was completely dark.</p><p>I saw your car park in your driveway and I got excited. Just like you always did, I was going to run out and greet you. But then I noticed something. Something was off. You got out of the driver’s side, and a blonde girl appeared from the passenger’s side. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but I saw it all.</p><p>Talking, laughing, dancing, kissing.</p><p>She didn’t leave until 4am. I didn’t want to watch, but you left me no choice. You kept those curtains open. Did you do it on purpose? I sat on my roof, trying not to pay mind to it. You left your house after her and said goodbye when somebody came to pick her up.</p><p>“Mia, what are you doing up there?” You asked when you noticed me sitting there.</p><p>I laid down, no word escaping my lips.</p><p>“You know she’s just a friend, right?” You try to tell me.</p><p>“Your window.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Your window!” I screamed and sat up fast enough to make me dizzy.</p><p>“Oh…” You looked back and saw how you hadn’t hidden anything. “Mia…”</p><p>“Liar.”</p><p>“Mia, no. She doesn’t mean anything.”</p><p>“She doesn’t mean anything?”</p><p>“No, she doesn’t. I love you.”</p><p>“She means a lot,” I seethed.</p><p>You shook your head rapidly. “No, she doesn’t. I promise I’ll end things with her.”</p><p>“She means a lot to me!” My voice echoed off the houses, leaving my throat in pain.</p><p>“Mia–”</p><p>“You never cared about me.”</p><p>“That’s not true–”</p><p>“You lied to me. You played me!”</p><p>“Mia, please.” You ran up, across the street. “Will you let me up there? Can we talk this through?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“No?”</p><p>“No.” I crawled over to my open window. “It’s over.”</p><p>I slammed my window shut behind me, making the glass rattle. The curtains were shut right after and then I turned off the light. But I couldn’t just let go that easily. I sneaked back to the window and moved the curtain to the side to watch you one last time. You were standing there, staring up at my window. It was like we were making eye contact, but I knew you couldn’t see me. You turned around and went back into your house.</p><p>
  <em>Your parents must be disappointed that you never broke up with your blonde before me. You had us all fooled, Alex. The summer was endless. You tricked me all those weeks. You pretended and lied. And I fell for it. I fell for all of it. What would you have done if you hadn’t forgotten about your window? Continue to play your games? You never did care, Alex, except for yourself. I will never forgive you for that. Fuck you, Alex Gaskarth. </em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12: Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USNFrnSQEfU">
    <span>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USNFrnSQEfU</span>
  </a>
</p><p>I’m standing outside your front door, Alex. I know you’re in there. I saw you walk in with your friends. I know you’re laughing with them, forgetting all about me. Because you never cared, right, Alex? I know you didn’t. When I ring the doorbell, you don’t even open. You’re too busy with them. All the lies just to toy with my heart. You shouldn’t have done that, Alex.</p><p>I open the door myself. You should really learn to lock it, Alex. You wouldn’t want somebody you don’t want to be inside to get in. I follow the sound of your laughter all the way upstairs. All I can remember is all of our firsts, Alex. All the firsts you took from me. I wasn’t special, I should have known.</p><p>I open your bedroom door and you seem surprised to see me.</p><p>“Mia, what are you doing here?” You frown from your bed, a guitar in your lap, your friends surrounding you. “Are you okay?”</p><p>I only realise my tear stained cheeks when those questions, the ones that I’ve been yearning for, leave your mouth. And for a second, I believe you care, Alex. For a second. But you don’t.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be here.” You shake your head.</p><p>“You’re an asshole, you know that right?” I tell you, glaring.</p><p>You sigh. “Mia, you should leave.”</p><p>“You’re an asshole.”</p><p>Your friends seem shocked, Alex. A stranger is in your house. But they don’t know, because you didn’t care. My fingers curl around the kitchen knife behind my back a little tighter, Alex. I would be careful.</p><p>“Mia–”</p><p>“Tell them.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you urge.</p><p>“Tell them.”</p><p>“Tell them what?!”</p><p>“You know what.”</p><p>I finally dare to make my knife appear and point it at you. Your friends seem scared, Alex, you should probably do something. Don’t you at least care aboout them?</p><p>“Tell them!” I scream.</p><p>“Mia, will you calm down!” You raise your hands up.</p><p>“No! You don’t care! You don’t care!”</p><p>You try to reason with me. “Mia, put the knife down!”</p><p>“All you do is lie!”</p><p>You finally seem to give in, but only because you only care about yourself, Alex.</p><p>“You’re the one who ended things,” you argue.</p><p>“You never cared! You lied!”</p><p>“That is not true!”</p><p>I know you’re scared, Alex. Afterall, I am pointing a knife at you. But there’s no need to be scared, because you lied about caring. Don’t worry, Alex, you’ll be fine.</p><p>“You’re a cheater! You’re a liar! You don’t care!” My throat is burning so much, the salt from my tears drying up my mouth.</p><p>“Mia, please,” you beg. “You know that’s not true.”</p><p>Your friends really do seem scared as I approach closer to you, Alex. They’ve all shuffled against the far wall, one of them shakingly holding his phone. You know what to do, don’t you, Alex? But you don’t do it. You deserve to hurt.</p><p>“Mia, please put down the knife,” you try again, “we can talk about this.”</p><p>But how can I talk to somebody who doesn’t care? You just want to save yourself. I shake my head and press the knife to my throat. You keep shouting at me, but you’re backing away with tears in your eyes. You still don’t care. You never have. And you never will. I shut my eyes and count down.</p><p>Mercury. Venus. Earth. Mars. Jupiter. Saturn. Uranus. Neptune. My sweet dear Pluto.</p><p>Too late.</p><p>I push down on the blade and let it drag across my skin.</p><p>I can’t breathe, Alex. It hurts. You jump from your bed and rush to my collapsed body. I stare up at the stars still on the ceiling while you press the nearest piece of fabric hard down onto my throat. You’re screaming, your tears dropping down your nose and onto my face. I feel them. They burn, Alex.</p><p>“Mia, please.”</p><p>You’re begging, but the blood keeps streaming. You finally tried to wipe the dried tears on my cheeks. It’s too late, you did not care. You continue to cry as you press your lips to my cold ones one last time.</p><p>“I love you.”</p><p>The police are already on their way, Alex. Your friends did a good job with that one. But they’re here to arrest the crazy girl with a knife, not save a life.</p><p>
  <em>It all came down to this moment, Alex. This was your fault. You loved, but you didn’t care.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>